Relationships: When what you see isn't what you get

some people think that you aren't compatible to be with because you can't have a good conversation between or the conversations doesn't flow between you two but what they don't know is the fact that they have taken your breath away, they have spin your mind at first and that you just could not have said anything or did not know what to say at ALL and only thing u can do is 'silly' laughing... until you finally make up your mind and start getting back on track.

One thing I do believe is that I think people met for a reason, it's either a blessing or a lesson or both. Are you one of the positives or one of the experiences? It has nothing to deal with did thing worked out between two of you or not, it does not matter even, after all, it wasn't a match between, it can still be a blessing because I believe loves never dies and live within, it transforms maybe, or like energy, it is merely there. Be happy for the right experiences, it is truly remarkable how we do not see what we have and learn something from the bad experiences. I believe all things are good though you can make it better. It is always helpful to put your smiles on if you want someone to smiles or you want to be happy yourself because your emotions do spread, it is like a virus, and it has to be a good virus if that's what it is :)

When you meet someone more serious, then you do in life and relationship, and when they are actually telling you and acting and being more then you do, you probably get scared at first but slow down your mind a little, isn't that what you wanted all these time after all?

People often have different approaches to things, and is it good or bad that people have differences? Is that a bad thing if someone changes for another person? Is it considered too big of a sacrifice if someone wants to change at the very beginning of getting to know someone?
Most people wanted to have full control of their life, but apparently we don't but we always wanted to hold on to that little control we have in this world at least, and we do not want to leave any of the little freedom we have at all as well, and that is why people don't like to be in a committed relationship. Because when we do get into a relationship, you have to share that little control you have in your life, you have to even share a part of the little freedom that you have, and that's what makes it scary, and people often wanted to be casual because we always wanted to be in full control.

For me, I think that if someone is changing for you or even only having thought of that, they only did that because they believe it's worthwhile. The only did that because they think you worth your time to do so, and is that a good or bad thing if this is happening at the very beginning of a relationship? Not talking about serious relationships of any kind but only as of date or as part of knowing each other, is that good or bad? If I really have to answer that, I can only say I will be way more interested in a person who can take a leap of faith, a person who can trust and a person who loves rather then only the physical interaction you can have. I am not saying they aren't essential or delightful, but that's what truly makes a relationship beautiful and lasts long.

Don't be scared of people who share a lot to you because it is those who don't share, you should be aware and worry of. I am a very patient person, and I give a lot of second chances because I think it is imperative to forgive and to give chances for change, chances to know, chances to understand each other and you need to spend time on one thing before you can know does the person really worthwhile.
Don't ask why NOT?


My friend Francis once said: "when you're gay and find a man who's faithful to you, but that shit on lock, because faithful gay men are a dying species." I am trying to hold on the faithful endangered species that I found, but not lock :p lol though, are you holding on to your chances?

Love, Miss or Struggle?

I have friends who are hundreds, thousands miles away that I miss that I tried to tell them every day.

I have friends who are less then 50 miles away and I think maybe I love but I am not dare to tell just because it is probably not gonna go anywhere, not gonna have anything. Not because I haven't tried though cause I promise I did and people who know me knows that I always tried till it's total dead end.

What's the deal after all really?

There are several kind of people.

First kind of people, they Lie....
and unfortunately, most of them lies......a lot.... that you can't even believes it.
Luckily most of all, usually it doesn't really matter at all till you actually trust them, then it goes ugly and horrible :p... you know that's how things goes most time.

Second Kind of people, they Disappear.
Sometimes they do it after they lie you know then they disappear... it just happens...
Either shame or embarrassment or basically just do Not want to face the problem at all.
They tell themselves all kind of different excuses...

1) I don't really care, it's not what I like
2) We have too less in common
3) I shouldn't be the one to talk first
4) I just don't want to deal with it
5) one it uses all the time to explain to their friends to make the whole thing legit
         ---> He is just crazy
         ---> It's just insane..... don't even know how to say it...
most of the time cause they know if they say it, their friends will know it's their fucking problems, not others.

6) Bunch of other excuses, never end

so after all, no matter what excuse you use, you have, you explained it,
if you just disappear, there's only one way to describe you honestly, irresponsible.
before you gone, no matter scream or whatever, say it, tell them what was the problem
if not it will just be a game or hate that never finishes.

Third kind of people? They cry.

Not literally crying I mean but usually this happens when the people who lie and disappear trying to get back to whoever they was with. They say I am Sorry, it's my fault...... thousands of legit excuses or the best out of it, they blame themselves first so you basically have no ways around it. The only thing to do at that point most time is just tell yourself, that's it, I am not taking more of this crap. Of cause sometimes the other person can be really shitty as well and that's why the other decide to fuck it and do all the crap.

so self-evaluating is really important as well
nothing goes one way, NO communications are one way, no matter you want to receives it or not, it's always two ways. No response, is totally a response and it's one of the lowest quality ones and sometimes they even qualify in the list of disappear.
..........

The Fourth kind of people, they stay Quiet.

No matter what happens, they try to solve it themselves first all the time,
usually they will try to comfort themselves and try to explain it in his/her head,
and if it couldn't some speak up, some don't
but no matter which one they are, most of the time they loves the other person lot lot lot
to do this sacrifice. it's a hard thing to do, maybe you thought keeping silent is easy but it's not.
Think about if you see something horrible and you are not allowed to say anything about it?

It's one of the worse thing and the worst about this is that the person who keeping Quiet and Silent isn't hurting the person who are doing things wrong, it's him/herself is the one who suffer out of all these.


Some occasions are different ofcoz though you know, you decided to not say something just so you don't loss more out of the conversation and you still want to keep a friend but that situation are kinda rare even though people think they should keep Quiet often but that often the best decision and actually benefiting the whole event.

I ask myself a question most of the time when I make a decision,

Who is going to be Happy at the end of this,
if someone is going to be Happy, no matter yourself or others,
determine is it worth it to do so but if no one is going to be happy about it,
that's easy, just drop it and leave it.

Have a great week for now, it's Monday
BR,
Felix

Me and Facebook? I am tired, truly am...

so I decided to temporary deactivate my Facebook, so what now?

nothing much I suppose, I just feels like not really myself I suppose.
Someone actually thought that I probably going out too much or what-so-ever but in fact I am not doing anything and that maybe one of the reason that I felt bad? I am not even sure... but who can say for sure right? especially even I couldn't when I am the person who experiencing all these...

If you are here reading, I ensure you are one of my friend that give a fuck and care, I wonder how many people will even know that I have deactivate or basically not using my Facebook now.... I don't know I just decided not to Login till July 3rd.
If you going to ask me right or not? I am just going to ask you, who to judge?...

I am tired, truly am... What my life has left for me? I am existing I know but at the same time I don't... I know I love a lot of people, truly loves them, care about them, so what? does it matter? Human has this complex system, they just tend to not care about things that are there for them instead, they tend to go for something that they can't get. I suppose we all like achievements?

I ask myself, what I been doing? cause after all seems like what I only do is trying to make others happy or the majority of people at least.
I guess after all, what we all need, may be just as simple as a hug, that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Some people asked me WHY I don't want Facebook for some times because I doubt actually anyone would care or even notice to be honest...
I rather be bored, doing nothing, rather then getting any attention on that place.... that place that everyone seems to care about you but they aren't really. the place that everyone seems to be there for you but ain't as well...

When I said "be friends", I guess I am nothing more but mean it, it's that easy, that's it and if you take it, I will simply love and care about you but if you ain't in the picture then just don't bother cause if you don't give a fuck, why should I?

BR,
Felix

Love - Part 2, Are you letting it go?

Some people think, they don’t love someone anymore, they can’t care about it anymore but until you really leave it, until they thing is not longer yours, you just started to miss it. Sometimes you would have a chance to save it, rescue it back but it’s not always like that.

You knew that thing is not gonna happen between, or you just know it’s not going to now or soon, you thought you let it go and start going around but when you see that person in front of you again, you try to avoid them, you try not to talk to them but when you did or you just see things that you thought is mean nothing to you

BUT

You do actually have feelings,

It’s not it mean nothing to you but yourself telling you that it “Shouldn’t” mean something to you, that’s the struggle you have. It’s like a kid having something that mom tell him not to and you have that little fear inside you but also excited. Then when you got figure that you have it and it just taken from you…

… It’s just killing you from inside, that tough feelings like knife cutting, the worse part of it is, it didn’t cut you open from outside but inside. It just tear you off like a worm eating you in there but you can’t do anything with your bare hands.

There’s always a dark side if there’s bright one

After all if you are so dedicated, time may make you a winner for him but also a loser for other things and it is not guarantee that you may have a positive outcome as well, so is it even worth you to do so?

Are you sure about it?

Thanks for telling me that you haven’t been so sure about things in your life but this…(just you will understand lol)

People are always waiting “the one”, sometimes you met “the one” of yours but sadly sometimes, you are just not “the one” for him. People try to let go but after all they just found out no matter how you let it go, it won’t so you better just keep a special place for him deep in your heart. That’s easier perhaps… life still go on and sometimes, that person who had a special place in your heart may just be taken or replaced by someone else, something else till time cross, you meet each other again, feelings burn, situation may just not changing but the feelings are. Sometimes people become best friend, sometimes they become boyfriends, girlfriends, sometimes enemy but no one ever know but it you tries it out, right?

Long distance relationship seems never work, yea it didn’t when you worry about it thinking of how future will be, even sometimes the future thing will help you to have some hope..… but for me, as Albert Einstein said “ I never worry about the future, it come soon enough” “ Thus each person by his fears gives wings to rumor, and, without any real source of apprehension, men fear what they themselves have imagines. – Lucan.

When you kiss, most people always close their eyes ofcoz you will have a little peak sometimes: p but you know, kisses are so nice, is because the best of it is without you watching… coz you imagination make it work even better, the feelings of your lips just telling you how much you want it on you, how much you like that person.
When love comes, you shouldn’t be able to stop it coz the feeling can be just so strong that you can’t even stop thinking of that person, you may tell yourself to back off, you may tell yourself not to miss and start something new but when finally got to meet again, you just can’t help it, you can stop yourself from expressing it but you couldn’t stop what grow inside you.

You can bless him by your skin but not your heart even you say so…  it’s all about timing; don’t waste it, not now, not ever….

I won't give up, i won't.....

Let's move on to 2012

This blog maybe becoming the only way that i can talk whatever I want to... or maybe not...idrk

Man always love to conclu what they have done in the year when it comes to the end, 

but when u conclu it, u have actually forgot lots of it
so last year, there's an application on Facebook,
rewinding all your status on the previous year!
It is kind of surprise!

Just to look back your message,

Last year you were still texting "I love you" with someone,

There's a big change within this year
so who are u gonna miss at the next new year Eve...

or u gonna have someone besides u that u still haven't meet this year?

a year is a short time, it's just a page in your life

but you in the time

no matter is sweet or pain,

time going by second and seconds

so a year can also be such a long time

How many years you have in your life?
once it has limit, you know that you can't have everything,

just when u know there're only about sixty thousands meals in your life,

you will not wanna waste it on an instant noodle
u always thinks that life is long

so u will have thoughts and don't wanna affect the life later on

all the time, I think I am too nervous

and i will always try my best to see someone,

to talk with someone

and i think, am I too aggressive, is it right? 

Last year, I found out that

I always think, if I don't do it now,

don't do it today, you may have the chance to do it again

maybe is not the right time anymore:

just like when u wanna comfort a friend

and if he recovers at the other day,

and u go to comfort him, aren't he gonna face that unhappy again?

even if u said it, he can't feel your care anymore.

What u wanna today, do it

and u afraid you didn't have the chance again,

that is the "Doomsday Syndrome"

although sometimes you just feel like you're being push by yourself

but when u look back, why not?

at least u didn't have the regret: Why I didn't do that?
Live with No Excuses, Love with no Regrets.

This year I have been not being honest, not speaking to you direct

someday when we were just talking

I have written on Facebook that I have never regret before

and I think he saw it

because for me,

the only regret is now.

This is the year of lost,

it is u, the only thing i have regret and lost

From the time I lost it last year,

whoever is it, when I feel the same again,

I just catching every single moment tight.

coz only that would make the way I have go through be meaningful,

and make the mistake I have taken be worthy

because of the me in 2010

make the me in 2011

and because of ant. in 2011

got the me in the brand new me in 2012

aren't u the same?

now I don't fucking care anymore....

not saying this from my heart maybe,

but at least I have others to distract me and I start to relax...
I told myself, he is just another jerk/asshole so chill...
I would still love to meet up but before that he has to go for a check
and yea actually I still care about him... just too much
coz I wanna Love with No Regrets~

Selfish? Make yourself Happy now!

Sometimes people will say you're doing selfish... but actually the one who say this usually selfish himself...

Man decisions are always selfish, cause everyone decide for themselves and that's nothing but normal... Maybe sometimes people will say: you should think about others but not just yourself.but the truth is you never satisfy every single person and someone will still think you're selfish and probably you are!

Think about a CEO of the enterprise rise the salary of the employees in his company, his share holders will think he's selfish to get those claps from his employees or the society... Maybe you will say he can tale the balance point... but man are greedy... When you give them something they ask for more... You just can't balance and fixed everything they want...

Applying personal goal or own expectation to other are selfish?
People will say hey "loving others as love yourself"... The first thing come up in your mind probably will be... Give everything I like to him... These sounds nice.... You give things that what you thought it is good for him and you feel good about that too...
and is it everyone be happy for this "Love"?
If it's lucky, it do benefit someone who think the same... If not... It's gonna be poor cause he's just keep getting different expectation and thinks that he don't want...
Hmm... Sounds like the society? Cause it's happening!
Hmm... Seems so familiar? Its reality!

You never know, I never know and actually no man know the balance point cause it's changing every single second! What I will say is just do it as you will be happy... Just balance yourself and treat yourself better... What you want? Claps from your friends, employees? or from your parents, shareholders? You want both... but the reality is you can get what you want...

so sometimes make your decision fast and clear.. With your love and care means what you think you should give and have no regret!!! Just go ahead make yourself happy now!

Giving all these to you beloved one?
To someone on the street?
It is all your decision, your choice!

What is decision? Is for you to made!